Hello Beautiful People!
1. Empathy is crucial for our own self-care
Without continual access to empathy we become anxious and afraid. We’re likely to stuff down our emotions and isolate — cutting us off from the love and care that we so desperately need.
We need to feel our emotions and internalize the compassion of someone who is willing to attune to our feelings, validate our emotions, and accepts us as we are.
Empathy is energizing. It gives us the strength to carry our burdens and move forward in freedom. It connects us to God’s perfect love that removes all fear.
I have learned to thrive with Jesus I need to often share honestly about what I’m feeling and receive empathy. It’s a crucial part of my marriage, friendships, ministry, and relationship with God.
Empathy looks like active listening, staying interested, being emotionally present, asking good questions, reflecting feelings, and being a faithful friend.
To receive empathy we need to ask for it from someone gracious who has capacity to offer it. Then we need to receive it as a gift from God by agreeing with it.
And the best part is, Jesus empathizes with us! And as we freely receive we can freely give!
Deconstructing Christian faith has become a “hot topic” in recent years.
And it’s important to talk about, because at one point or another, many of us are likely to experience some form of a faith crisis, questioning, dark night of the soul, or spiritual burnout.
Where we used to have a sense of orientation and experience of God’s blessing, we get left with questions, disorientation, and God doesn’t seem to be the same anymore.
Suddenly the Christian faith we’ve had doesn’t seem to work the same way as before. It doesn’t seem to satisfy our spiritual questions or longings.
All these things can become a faith crisis that could lead someone to deconstruct their faith, to take it apart and, and maybe throw it away or replace it with a different set of values that they might call spiritual, but aren’t centered on Jesus.
So what do we do when we find ourselves in this place? What do we do if someone we love is deconstructing their faith?
First, it’s important to understand more clearly what deconstruction is and is not.
Deconstruction begins with pain or suffering, destabilization, questions, doubts, fears, wrestlings, etc. It’s not fun. And usually people don’t “choose” to experience it.
But deconstruction doesn’t always mean walking away from faith in Jesus. In fact, it can be an opportunity to reconstruct an even deeper faith.
If we lean into the destabilization with emotionally honest prayers, patience, empathy, and in relationship with Jesus, then we can rebuild our relationship with God in deeper and healthier ways.
On the other side of deconstruction we discover the opportunity of reconstruction. And we can actually move forward with a stronger, more intimate and authentic relationship with Jesus.
You’ll experience lots of spiritual peaks and pits over the course of your life.
These movements are like the ocean tide rising and falling. They’re referred to as “consolation” and “desolation.”
We call both of these movements “rhythms of grace” because both experiences are facilitated by God to lead us in his gentle way of grace.
In times of consolation, we feel the warmth of God’s presence or the sense that we’re blessed and encouraged by our Lord. We get exciting new insights from the Bible, enjoy prayer, relax quietly in God’s presence, experience intimacy with God in worship, have rich spiritual conversations, or feel our service is impactful. The Lord can use these experiences to lead us into the next stage of deepening grace and fruitfulness.
In times of desolation, blessed feelings evaporate and God seems far away. We do the same spiritual activities as before, but now they don’t bring satisfaction. In our spiritual life we feel restless, bored, distracted, discouraged, dry as dust. We lose motivation to seek God.
But our opportunity in desolation is to keep trusting that God truly loves us and is growing us even when we don’t see it or feel it. The Lord uses this experience to do a deep and mysterious work of grace in us, withdrawing our felt sense of the Spirit’s presence to reveal our hurts and needs in order to re-form us in love.
It’s tempting to make consolation out to be “all good” and desolation our to be “all bad” — especially because consolation often feels better to us. But actually, BOTH are essential learning opportunities in our apprenticeship to Jesus.
Our lows as well as our highs are expressions of God’s sustaining grace and are valuable learning opportunities.
In both movements of grace, we can stand firm in the unseen reality that God is always near to us and continuing His work in and through us ❤️
For the healthy development of our soul and personhood into the image of Jesus Christ we need to experience God’s unconditional love.
Underneath our hurts and struggles is the deep, deep longing of our soul to be known and loved for our true self.
To be loved is to be attached in safe, caring, and secure relationships (with God and others).
It means being:
👉 Wanted
👉 Delighted in
👉 Nurtured
👉 Held
👉 Touched appropriately and affectionately
👉 Empathized with
👉 Understood
👉 Comforted when hurt or stressed
👉 Helped in practical ways
If we don’t experience and absorb these qualities of love in our primary relationships it’s crippling.
But here’s the good news: God is the perfect source of the unconditional, secure attachment that we so desperately need!
And oftentimes our Lord mediates this to us through safe relationships with capable and compassionate people who show us through attentive listening that it’s really true: “If God is for you no one can be against you! Nothing, absolutely nothing, will ever separate you from God’s love.” (Rom. 8:31, 39, paraphrase) ❤️
Whether we’re aware of it or not, many of us have been hurt by believing damaging narratives.
We’ve internalized messages like:
👉 “I messed up so I have to make up for it.”
👉 “I'm not beautiful.”
👉 “I'm a burden to people.”
👉 “I don’t have enough.”
But these are unhealthy and unholy attitudes that drain our energy and damage our souls.
They tell us that there’s something wrong with us, that we won’t be loved, and therefore we can’t trust or depend on anyone.
This is shame and it bullies us into hiding, taking us away from the love and mercy that we’re desperate for.
So how do we stop internalizing these lies? Two primary ways:
1️⃣ Renewing our minds in Scripture
2️⃣ Loving personal relationships with Christ’s Ambassadors
The two go together in that we need to experience the truth of God’s Word in our relationships with one another in the body of Christ.
We need to have Biblical images of God’s love in our minds and we need loving relationships with people who mediate Christ’s love to us.
God’s Word washes our minds of the harmful images we may have internalized in childhood or from our culture (Eph. 5:26).
This occurs best in the context of our intimate relationships — when someone we’re close to (e.g., a spouse, parent, or soul friend) shares Scripture with us, not just verbally but also mediating it through loving relationship.
So if you’re feeling burdened by one or more of these negative messages, start by reflecting on and praying about the counter-truth. Then work through it in relationship with a safe friend or spiritual director (aka: an Ambassador of Christ) who will demonstrate God’s love and grace to you ❤️
2. Faith and feelings are meant to go together
It’s damaging to pit faith and feelings against one another or to elevate the thinking side of faith as more important than the feeling side of faith.
We’ve been separating these two ways and it diminishes our soul.
We may go to therapists and self-help books to be self-aware and healthy in our emotions and relationships, but get self-absorbed.
We may go to the Bible and church services to trust Jesus, but neglect to be emotionally honest with the friends who can minister the presence and grace of God.
Healthy faith integrates spiritual growth with emotional growth.
It doesn’t mean we’re controlled by our emotions, nor does it mean that we repress our emotions.
Instead, it means:
👉 We’re emotionally honest like the Psalmist.
👉 We seek empathy from God and soul friends who can minister Jesus’ love to us.
👉 We take responsibility for our emotions and ask Jesus, “Lord, what would you do if you were me?”
Most of us try to have a prayer life and feel guilty that we don’t spend enough time praying, especially for the needs of others. This is not the right way to think about prayer!
Rather than seeking a prayer life, seek a praying life — a life permeated with prayer.
The whole point of prayer and other spiritual disciplines is to have an integrated life with Jesus, where we’re doing all that we do for God’s glory.
And the way we do that is by going about our daily life with God in the presence of the Holy Spirit.
Wherever we are, whatever we’re doing, we pray. We do what we’re doing with the Lord. We talk to God about it.
Rather than focusing on mustering up the “right” energies and words, we join in with God’s activity. We tune into His presence with us.
Prayer is engaging in an interactive, ongoing relationship with God.
Jesus is the best example of this. He didn’t just have a “prayer life” — he had a praying life in which he continually turned to God’s presence in all that he did. Prayer lived in him (even in his unconscious demeanor).
Repeatedly in the Gospels we read statements like:
👉 “While it was still dark Jesus went out to pray” (Mark 1:35, par.)
👉 “Jesus went out to a mountainside to pray” (Luke 6:12)
👉 “Jesus was praying in private” (Luke 9:18)
👉 “Jesus went out to his usual place of prayer.” (Luke 11:1, par.)
Drawing close to Jesus is the best way to learn how to live a praying life. Like the disciples, we can ask Jesus “Lord, teach us to pray!” (Luke 11:1).
We can “take heart” from Jesus’s life in the gospels and follow his example to “abruptly break into prayer” throughout the day’s work and activities.
🙏 Jesus, thank you for your powerful example of a praying life. Help us Lord God to grow in a conversational relationship with you and learn how to practice your presence as we go about our daily lives.
How we respond to our emotions makes a big difference!
We may be tempted to repress our emotions, confuse them with God’s voice, fall into shame, or react without thinking. But reactions like these put our feelings in the driver’s seat and ultimately undermine our well-being and relationships.
In contrast, here are 8 healthy and godly ways we can respond to our emotions:
👉 Talk to God about them
👉 Name them
👉 Receive empathy
👉 Receive grace
👉 Forgive
👉 Think about what’s true
👉 Be gentle and accepting
👉 Feel and think before you act
3. These responses support loving relationships and authentic, enduring faith in God
Your brain and soul thrive on joy and peace, but without realizing it you may be settling for substitutes.
Following the way of our media-obsessed culture turns us into excited zombies.
But God made us to experience the joy and peace that naturally flow with loving relationships (Galatians 5:22-23).
Often we settle for the false joy of excitement and the false peace of “vegging out." We may have learned these patterns as children.
We settle for joy substitutes when we get “high” on adrenaline, success, media stimulation, pleasing-people, being in a hurry, entertainment, or buying stuff.
The false joy of excitement is non-relational.
We settle for peace substitutes with veging out in movies, music, food, or games. These activities are de-stressing but they leave us empty and detached. We get zoned out and staring off in space in a non-self state.
The false peace of vegging out is also non-relational.
Joy and peace go together (Rom. 14:17, 15:13). They are prominent in the fruit of the Spirit and naturally overflow from participating in loving relationships (Gal. 5:22-23).
The Hebrew people who wrote the Bible call true joy “simchaw” and true peace “shalom.”
“Simchaw” is gladness. It’s enjoying God’s blessings.
True joy puts a laugh on your face and straightens your spine. It stimulates your brain with pleasure and sweetens your soul. It engages you in the moment with the people you’re with.
“Shalom” is peace from God. It’s a fullness of life and contentment.
True peace is calming and comforting. It puts a smile on your lips and a glow on your face. It calms your brain, relaxes your shoulders and keeps your steps in rhythm. It also engages you with people in the moment.
Here are three ways to train your brain and personality to live in God’s joy and peace:
1️⃣ Get outside in nature to walk, breathe, and absorb beauty.
2️⃣ Share in heart to heart conversation with a friend.
3️⃣ Read Jesus’ life in the Gospels and appreciate his joy and peace.
Breathing is important! Not just physically, but psychologically and spiritually as well.
God has made us such that relaxed breathing is part of being at peace in His presence.
Being intentional about how we use our bodies in prayer and worship helps us to engage our minds and hearts on God’s Word.
Tying your meditation to your pattern of breathing and doing this slowly and deliberately is a simple way to put your body into your praying (like raising your hands during worship).
As you breathe a phrase (or paraphrase) from Scripture in and out you’re marinating in God’s Word, connecting with Christ, and taking his words deep into your heart.
👉 Breathing in a prayer from Scripture is an expression of receiving or internalizing God’s Word and Spirit.
👉 Breathing out is an expression of releasing tensions and control (submitting to God) and/or overflowing with (sharing) God’s Word and Spirit with others.
Try it! That’s the best way to understand the value of Breath Prayers.
Rely on the Spirit of Christ to assist you, helping you to find the Bible phrase you most need to pray and to get into a good rhythm with it. He may lead you to develop your own Breath Prayer practice that will have special meaning for you.
Want to go deeper with Breath Prayers? We have two resources that will help:
1️⃣ Join us for our upcoming webinar! We’ll walk you through the steps for praying a Breath Prayer and then lead you in a refreshing and empowering Breath Prayer meditation. You can participate live this Thursday (February 3rd) at 11am pst OR watch back the recording anytime afterwards.
2️⃣ Grab a copy of our Breath Prayer Guides resource. It includes 40 Breath Prayers from Scripture with Bible verses, brief introductions, simple steps for breathing, and prompts for prayer, journaling, or soul talk.
Friendly reminder: Your feelings are an important part of your God-given intelligence.
Emotions allow us to understand, connect, and communicate with ourselves, other people, and God. They add color, meaning, and depth to our lives. They also communicate important information to us.
While emotions might not feel pleasant at times, they are always there to help us understand and react to what’s going on around us. They play an important role in keeping us safe and helping us recognize when our needs are or aren’t being met.
And the best part is, God meets us in our emotions! He doesn’t reject us for having emotions. And He doesn’t leave us on our own to deal with them.
Our Loving Lord enters into our pain — listening, validating, and offering the empathy that we need to move forward with wholeness. (God sometimes mediates this love and care to us through another person.)
So friends, whatever you’re feeling today, I pray that you’ll befriend your emotions as a gift from God. May you take courage to share honestly with those who love you and desire to care for you and be open to receive their empathy ❤️
Are you tired? Burnt out on work, or caring for others?
4. You might relate to Elijah’s story in the Bible 👇
He had three incredible accomplishments in a row. He was at the peak of his success. And he was basing his identity on his success rather than his relationship with God.
Then queen Jezebel sent armies to kill him, and he hid scared and alone in the wilderness.
He became so depressed that he prayed for the Lord to take his life.
He felt abandoned by the God he had worked so hard to serve.
And so Elijah collapsed under a tree, ready to die. (He didn’t realize that God was guiding him to rest quietly there.)
Under the tree, Elijah took a long nap. Then he ate a big meal, took another long nap, and ate another big meal.
Then Elijah went for a long walk in the desert until he found shelter in a cave. Here he turned his loneliness into solitude by praying and listening for God’s guidance.
Elijah needed to practice basic self-care. He needed to be still and rest. He needed to release his expectations and wait on God.
Finally, once he was well rested and soft hearted, he heard the Lord speak in a gentle whisper (1 Kings 18:16–19:18).
Like Elijah, in our service for God we may overwork, try too hard to meet everybody’s needs, or neglect basic self-care.
Does this describe your life? Are you needing to attend to your needs?
In order to recover from burnout, we need to say no to the urgent demands of life in order to say yes to being with Jesus and receiving his care for our souls.
Which of Elijah’s disciplines (in the image above) might help you enjoy life with Jesus in the Father’s world?
The Psalmist shows us how to talk to God like a good therapist.
And as we follow this example, we’ll discover that emotionally honest prayers can bring us peace.
This is the godly way to deal with our emotions. This is the way that the Psalmist is at peace in the midst of distressing circumstances.
What a gift it is to be at peace! And true peace – God’s kind of peace – is demonstrated in the midst of conflict and stress.
The most common type of prayer in the Bible’s Prayer Book are not celebratory songs of thanksgiving and praise, though based on the songs we sing in church you’d think that to be the case! It’s actually the Psalms of Lament that are most frequent.
There are 67 Sad Psalms that are themed on complaining and crying to God.
Like a spiritual psychotherapist, the Psalmist helps us to feel our emotions, own them, and vent them to God.
By opening our heart to God we discover that He listens, empathizes, validates, and responds. Our Loving Lord comes to our aid to comfort us and strengthen us.
So friends, whatever emotions you’re feeling today, I encourage you to bring them to God in an emotionally honest prayer.
To help you get started, I’ve listed some Psalms below. Choose one that stands out to you and let it guide you in conversation with your Heavenly Father ❤️
👉 Psalm 3: The model lament: crying out to the Lord and putting confidence in Him
👉 Psalm 4: In distress you can be filled with God’s love, joy, peace
👉 Psalm 6: Pour out your tears and questions to God
👉 Psalm 13: When God’s face is hidden learn to trust Him in your heart
👉 Psalm 31: In distress put your trust in God’s presence
👉 Psalm 64: When verbally attacked hide in God and rely on His justice
👉 Psalm 88: When you’re in a dark pit and God seems angry cry out to Him
👉 Psalm 102: In depression cry out to God and recall His power and care
👉 Psalm 109: When betrayed vent anger to God and rely on His love
👉 Psalm 142: Cry and complain to God and find that He’s your portion
Mindfulness helps us experience a deep and passionate engagement with Jesus Christ!
Instead of detaching into emptiness, we attach to the Lord who loves us.
Instead of ruminating in fear, we reflect on Scripture with the help of the Holy Spirit.
Instead of repressing our emotions, we’re fully present to God with our thoughts, feelings, and desires.
Instead of fixating on our stressors, we fix our heart and mind on Jesus.
There is no one and no thing more beautiful and lovely, more inspiring and helpful, to think about then the Lord Jesus Christ.
5. Always Jesus is available to us
Even now you can pause to see Jesus’ smile at you… Or his arms open to you… Or you can imagine yourself with your Good Shepherd in Psalm 23…
When you meditate on Jesus the peace of heaven begins to come over you! You know that you are not alone! You know that you are loved! And you are ready to share the love of Christ with the people within your reach!
What a difference it makes when instead of letting our thoughts and feelings become a “worry train,” we connect with the Lord in mindfulness, prayer, and meditation.
To help you get started, we’ve shared 5 ways to practice mindfulness in the image above. These techniques can be practiced together in one moment or separately throughout your day/week.
PS. Do this in a way that works for you! If it’s difficult for you to sit still, try meditating while going for a walk outside. Or if you’re more of a verbal processor, try reflecting with a soul friend who will listen to you as unto Jesus.
Quiet prayer, soul talk, nature, music, poetry, and art are all great ways to facilitate mindfulness and meditation ❤️
We all face challenges in life. But how do we respond to them?
It’s easy to make the mistake of throwing our trials away. No one wants to go through pain, disappointment, or hardships.
But not only are the difficulties of life inevitable, they’re also tremendous learning opportunities.
That’s really the point that James and Paul make in Scripture when they tell us to rejoice in our trials — because it means there’s an opportunity for God to show up.
When we try to deal with hardships, stresses, and injustices on our own, it’s very hard to be happy about them.
But if we take an attitude of trust in Jesus, then we can say, “This is wonderful. I get to see what God is going to do!”
Here are a few steps that help us lean into our trails as opportunities to learn and grow:
👉 Accept the trial as a learning opportunity
👉 Look for God in the trial (how might he be working in the midst of it?)
👉 Seek empathy from the Lord and safe people
The most important thing we can do is rest in God.
We need to give ourselves the freedom to do nothing with Jesus so we can simply be with him.
We need to “make every effort to enter [God’s] rest,” opening our hearts to the loving word of God and to one another (Hebrews 4:11-13).
It’s in a state of rest that we can hear God’s voice and respond to him with obedient hearts.
But rest can only be learned through regular practice.
We need to experiment with time alone, out of contact with others. No appointments. No phone calls. No emails. No Instagram. Just being with Jesus.
To help you get started, here are a few examples of “do nothing” disciplines that can help you rest, recuperate, and realign yourself with Jesus:
👉 Take a nap and imaging laying your head on Jesus’ chest like John did (John 13:23)
👉 Seek empathy from a soul friend
👉 Ask God to lead you as you walk, jog, hike, bike, or drive without having a destination in mind. (Being active physically can help us to be still spiritually.)
👉 Enjoy a fun or creative activity with Jesus!